Cynthia Luvs, 8th April
I'm astonishingly awkward, easily affected and extremely negative.

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Don't give me the 'You don't say' face for my title! This post is somehow related! *Excuses because I can't think of any good titles! LOL!!*

Just a reflection post since my sleeping hours are pretty screwed up and there's no one who can talk to me now. Well, I'm sick of being sad and all so for now, I try my best to keep myself positive! HUAT AH, lolol!

True that I do HAD many friends and after so much failed friendships, I'm just afraid of making friends or letting anyone into my life because I can't take it when people create memories with me, be it good or bad then leave like I don't have feelings. Sometimes, I miss the memories, not the person.

That's why I really cherish the people I have now, be it the mom who sacrificed so much for the family or the bestfriends I have for years or those close friends that I know for few months. They are people whom really matters to me  and those I'm left with. Not a big number but I know they are people who will try their best to be there and that's enough for me, really.

I know I'm someone with a really weird temperament which I can hardly control at times. I always feel I'm alone and neglected even though there are people who puts effort to care. I'm stubborn. I can be very high and crazy with friends around yet quiet with strangers around. I hate to wait yet I'm always waiting. Even if I have nothing to do on the computer, I just don't want to switch it off. I can't take bullshits because I will go mad! I get moodless easily and I just don't wanna talk yet I want somebody to be with me.

I'm just someone very sentimental - 重感情.


I don't care as much as I used to because sometimes it hurts so bad to have people in your priority list to disappoints you times and again thus, I rather care less and expect less so that it hurts lesser.

I slowly got used to doing things alone even though I hate to be alone.Walk alone, sleep alone, think alone, indulge alone, busy alone, troubled alone and experience alone. Because I know no one will be there forever, someday, somewhat, they will leave. It's just the matter of time.

As for now, I just treasure all the time spent with my loved ones and the rest, they don't matter and never will. Once you are out of my life, whatever you do or say doesn't bother or matter to me anymore.

Guess I'm much happier now because no one can do anything if I don't pick myself up and not all really cares about me being sad. 开心是一天， 伤心是一天， 我宁愿开开心心的过！

Though there's so much financial stress on me but I'm glad that I'm taking it better than before. 路是自己走出来的。Jiayou Cynthia Luvs, HUAT AH! ^-^ (This is my 88th post!)

Labels: Thoughts